The majority of people want change in some aspect of their life, be it making more money, losing weight, leaving their job to pursue their passion, quitting smoking, having more sex, or finding the romantic partner of their dreams. The list goes on and on. Hell, I’ve wanted most of these things myself! However, how we go about getting these things is what trips up most of us. In this culture we tend to want to the easy fix, the magic pill to lose weight, the patch to stop our cravings, the dashing prince on horseback to whisk us away to happily ever after. It seems natural to look for the external solution to our external problems. This approach is quite flawed. As long as our eyes remain focused in the distance for that solution to come skipping down the road in to our open and ready arms we will continue to want.
What so many of us fail to recognize is that all change begins internally. If you can’t seem to get past the “seeking” stage to actually realize your dreams and desires, or are always finding yourself a step or two short of your ambitions, I have a question for you–
How badly do you want it?
VERY, you say.
All right then. I say, GAME ON.
Here’s the reality: If you want sustainable change you must start with taking a long hard honest look within.
According to both clinical and positive psychology, self-acceptance is a pre-requisite for change to occur. It is the first real step toward lasting change and is truly the place where the magic begins. It is a place where you accept your strengths and weaknesses, your crazy and your confidence, your bullshit excuses and your badass boldness. You must accept it all as a part of yourself and come to a place of recognition, understanding, and peace.
Unfortunately to get there, there is no magic mantra, no wonder pill, no silver bullet. Friends, it’s difficult and requires us to do some real work. However, if self-acceptance is a pre-requisite for change, you must look at your baggage, your shit, and the skeletons in the closet that you wanted to pretend didn’t exist.
So where do you start? You must be honest with yourself.
Here’s an even better place to start: Be gut wrenching, BRUTALLY honest with yourself.
Being brutally honest with yourself means identifying exactly what you want, why you want it, and most importantly: what is keeping you from getting it?
Acknowledging our inner fears, the ones that allow us to accept the status quo, can be a pretty scary place to stand. It is not for the faint of heart. Hey, you said you wanted change badly, so don’t go backing out now! It’s okay if you don’t like what you see for a moment or two. Sit with it, breathe through it, and accept it. It isn’t going anywhere and neither should you. And, depending on how much past crap you’ve dug up and now find yourself standing in, you may need to call a therapist. Personally, I’ve had times where mine was on speed dial.
Let’s face it, it is much easier to live in denial, live in the past, and blame others for the endless cycle of unattained desires in which we seemingly have no control. Most people don’t like taking responsibility for their own happiness because it entails taking ownership of their weaknesses, traumas, and failures, the exact things we’ve been taught to bury and hide from the rest of the world. And in doing so, we’ve hidden them from ourselves.
So let’s recap:
- Acknowledge a.k.a. BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF
- Self –Acceptance
- Change (yay!)
We have learned to live with what we feel is “comfortable.” Comfortable is what we know, and because we know it, it must be ok. WRONG! The unknown can be scary and will make us feel uncomfortable. But I say get comfortable being uncomfortable. This is where we learn and this is where change takes root.
If you want to learn more or find this concept at all confusing, have no fear! Many more articles to come about all the wonderful ways being brutally honest with yourself will benefit you. Keep an eye out for:
Recognizing the Signs to Slooow down
Your Relationship to Zzz’s: How to Surrender to Sleep And Stop The Struggle
When Your Career Keeps the Control
